Comparison

Welcome back to Monday, the best day ever! It’s way better than “wish-this-week-was-over-already” Wednesday. But who am I to compare? One person’s Monday is another person’s Friday.

It’s funny how our brain works in comparisons, isn’t it?

It’s like once you had your mom’s homemade apple pie, it became the gold standard for pies for the rest of your life. Every other pie just tastes like a bland, store-bought knockoff, falling short of the unattainable perfection of mom’s heirloom recipe. 

I’ve got some news for you though. Mom’s pie might be good, but it’s probably not as good as you remember it. (No offense to mom!)

Your brain is wired for comparisons. It’s how your brain makes sense of the world. This need to compare everything is a survival mechanism from when we needed to figure out who was the strongest, the fastest, or the most capable in the tribe. It’s an instinct to keep us safe. 

You compare experiences, relationships, and situations with something you’ve experienced in the past. You know if you stick your finger in the pot to see if the water is almost boiling, it’s going to hurt just as much as last time. You know if you trust someone who’s let you down before, there’s a good chance you’ll feel that same sting of disappointment.

Comparison is natural, but it can also be dangerous.

Like most people, you’re probably guilty of comparing your successes and failures to others. Which isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it can push you to be better.

But sometimes it can trap you in a mindset of self-doubt and inadequacy, making you feel like you’ll never measure up. Not only does this blind you to your own unique journey, it can chain you to the pursuit of someone else’s story. A story not meant for you.

Your worth isn’t determined by how you stack up against the people living the life you aspire to have. Just because someone is further along than you doesn’t mean the life path you’ve carved for yourself isn’t just as important.

If you’re ready to break free from the self-sabotaging grip of comparison so you can use it to build yourself up instead of tearing yourself down, you need to hear what I’m about to say.

Turning Comparison into Inspiration

While comparison is an inevitable part of being human, it doesn’t have to be a source of misery. Here are five common comparison traps and how to flip them so you can become a better version of yourself.

Social Media vs. Reality

• Pitfall: Studies show that over 60% of people feel inadequate when comparing themselves to others on social media. When you’re scrolling through your feed and seeing all those exotic vacation pics from Fiji or that “we never fight” relationship your friend is always posting about, remember that social media is a highlight reel, not reality. 
• Flip It: Use social media as a source of inspiration only. Follow people who motivate you and unfollow those who make you feel like you’re not enough. Also, resist the urge to feel like you need to post everything you do on social media. That can lead to feeling like you don’t have anything good going on when you don’t have anything post-worthy.

The Productivity Trap

• Pitfall: Comparing your productivity to others will burn you out. According to the World Health Organization, burnout has become a global issue, much of which is the result of trying to live up to unrealistic life standards. So what if your friend wakes up at 5 am and goes for a 7-mile run before working a 10-hour day as the CEO of their own company? It may sound good on paper, but will that make you happy, or do you just feel like you should be doing more with your life?
• Flip It: Set personal goals that align with your own values, not someone else’s. Decide what life you want for yourself outside of comparing yourself to others. You might find you’re closer to your dream life than you think.

Imposter Syndrome

• Pitfall: According to the International Journal of Behavioral Science, 70% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their career. Constantly comparing your skill set to someone else’s can lead to feeling like you’re not worthy. This can wreak havoc on your self-esteem and can hold you back from moving forward. 
• Flip It: Remind yourself you got to where you are because you deserve it. Someone is probably looking at you thinking they’ll never be as good as you are. Everyone starts as a beginner but instead of beating yourself up about not knowing everything, use the expertise of others to guide you, not intimidate you. Successful people aren’t in competition with others, they’re in competition with themselves. 

The Happiness Myth

• Pitfall: If you had enough money to move into the ritzy neighborhood your friend just built a house in, then you’d be happy, right? Not necessarily. Harvard research shows the key to happiness is strong relationships, not material wealth. If you’ve made your barometer for happiness about materialism or keeping up with appearances, you’ll likely still feel unfulfilled, just with more stuff. 
• Flip It: Focus on building genuine connections rather than measuring your happiness by what someone else has. Spend time with people who lift you up, and invest in the relationships that bring meaning to your life. Wealth is measured in health, relationships, and true happiness, not your bank account.

The Physical Appearance Trap

• Pitfall: A study published in the Journal of Health Psychology found that comparing physical appearance is directly linked to body dissatisfaction. It’s normal to see someone’s perfectly curated fitness posts or retouched images and start questioning your own self-worth. Even if you know they’re filtered beyond recognition with perfect lighting and about 40 pounds photoshopped out, it’s still hard not to compare and think about what you wish you could change about yourself. 
• Flip It: Focus on what your body can do, not just what it looks like. Celebrate your health and strength. Start appreciating your own progress, whether it’s running an extra mile or just having the energy to play with your kids after a long day. Remind yourself that your body is beautiful and worthy as it is. 1% body fat isn’t going to make you happy. True happiness comes from a balanced life filled with love and relationships, not an unrealistic physical ideal.

Hopefully, you can see how easy it is to compare your life to others. You may not even realize when you’re doing it. But now that I’ve pointed it out, you might start noticing just how often it happens.

Here’s how to stop…

Action Step

This week I want you to focus on turning comparison into motivation. I can’t ask you to turn it off completely, none of us can. But you can take these steps to turn it into something positive.

• • Identify Your Triggers
    Try to notice when and where you compare yourself to others. Is it on social media, at work, or during conversations with friends? When you catch yourself thinking “I’ll never be as good as them,” take a pause. Write down what triggered the comparison and how it made you feel. Did you feel jealousy, inadequacy, frustration, or something else? Write it down so you can track your trigger patterns. 
  • Reframe the Comparison
    When you catch yourself negatively comparing, reframe it. Ask yourself what you can learn from the comparison or how you can use it to inspire you. Try to shift your focus into a growth mindset rather than one of inadequacy and lack. 
• Focus on Your Progress
  Whenever you notice you’re comparing your life to someone else’s, take a moment to write down three positive things you’ve accomplished, even though you chose a different path. For example, if your co-worker has been staying late to finish up a project that just landed him the promotion over you, write down the good things in your life that you didn’t sacrifice to stay at work late. Maybe you had more family time, or got to pursue a hobby you love, or just took more time for self-care.

Your path to greatness isn’t going to look the same as everyone else’s. Once you’re ok with that, you’ll find the journey a lot more enjoyable, unburdened by the shadow of someone else’s accomplishments.  

Have a fantastic week! I’d say I hope it’s the best one ever, but we don’t compare now, do we?  🙂